I am a father of 3 beautiful girls. Twin 19 yo and a 12 yo. I was present for all of their births and continue to be present in their lives. I have been divorced from their mother for 8 years. It has been excruciating pain to not see my girls on a daily basis. Not be present sharing the same space of my babies is a gut wrenching pain like no other. You miss the little things you took for granted; the bickering, the laughing and the silence of the kids.
Some men may take this obstacle as a reason to completely shut themselves out of the children’s life due to the relationship dissolving. I choose to do the opposite. I call my daughters every day.. I encourage them to believe in themselves and to be assertive as black women. I talk to them about the state of the world and how this society views black women and young black girls. I often share with them my journey of finishing my BA then getting a MSW. I constantly inform them about gaining all the education they can and that their ancestors are kings and queens. I have shown them what determination looks like first hand, as I struggled to seek employment in my field of work. I encourage my girls to speak their mind and to voice their opinions. As a child growing up in the 70s, a child was seen and not heard. I took the pros and cons of my upbringing and applied it to my parenting style. I go to my daughters’ doctors appointments. I know my daughters’ doctors and they know me.
I have been involved since day one with these girls. I can’t say enough how proud I am of my daughters’ resilience. They have witnessed violence, living with a relative with dementia, divorce, alcoholism and mental illness and were able to graduate high school and the youngest is reading at an upper high school level as a 7th grader.
I share this testimony to let others know there is no greater joy than being a father. It’s often hard and no praise goes to us Dads. It’s ok to salute and read about the Dads who hold it down and take on the challenge and duty of raising a child they made. My twins are sophomores in college, looking to teach English as a second language to Japanese people. The youngest in charge is so brilliant and sharp. I can see her being an astronaut or working with animals.
Being a father is scary and frightening these days and times, but if you are honest and keep the lines of communication open throughout your child’s life, there is no obstacle or adversity you and your kids can’t handle.
Peace
